bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
