ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I can text with my tongue
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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