i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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