too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
