Kiss
Puke
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
