He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
