your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Will you blow on my dice?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
