Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
