Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
