Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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