no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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