**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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