I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
