I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
