I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
