I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
