cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
