They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
