I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
