So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
