do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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