What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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