And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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