ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
