Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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