I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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