operation have a gay friend backfired
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
