He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
