I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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