I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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