so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
can u get pink eye on your cock?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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