Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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