Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
