Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
