my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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