i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
