it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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