Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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