That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
