Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
3pm strippers are depressing
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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