So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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