Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
