You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
