Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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