So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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