Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
