apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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