Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
