I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
