I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
