He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
